Penumbral Lunar Eclipse-November 28

I’m not sure if it is just me awakening to the complexities of the world, or if there really is something going on in the sky.  This morning between the hours of 4:15 and 9:15a.m. PST (peaking at 6:15a.m.), the Penumbra Lunar Eclipse brushed the sky with an orange glow.  Watch an amateur’s video of this eclipse here.  The Lunar Eclipse occurs when the Earth is aligned between the sun and moon.  The moon passes through the Earth’s shadow, causing a darkening effect, not a total black out.  The Umbra causes a total black out and Antumbra has the outer ring effect.

I’d like to take things to a more personal level.  This morning I awoke around 9:00a.m. and felt as though I was awakening from the deepest of slumbers.  There was no connection to ‘myself,’ my body or mind.  I felt a spacious distance that was uncomfortable and tried to shake out of it, as I prepared to drive my partner to work…9:15a.m.  “What did I eat last night?,”  I questioned, and blamed it on the 11p.m. yogurt snack from the night before.  After dropping him off, I laid in bed for an hour, but the distance remained.

When I finally emerged from bed, I glanced at the calendar and thank you to Alex Grey who attends to these things, saw the eclipse event marked in my calendar…9:15a.m.  Things made just a bit more sense and I felt a bit more clarity on how to work with these energies to not be bedridden for the rest of the day.

Although I know this type of inquiry is not accepted by mainstream culture, even I was offended by this Huffington Post article claiming that, “Despite popular myths, there’s not much evidence to back up the idea that the moon (or any other astronomical body) has much of an effect on human or animal behavior.”  Ask any person working with developmentally disabled adults and they’ll tell you differently.  A few months ago my bank teller stated, “I never believed in that full moon stuff until working at the bank.  Some crazy things happen!”  I’ve often heard this phrase repeated among non-believers, surprised that even they (accepting of dominant culture, not questioning the status quo) observed correlations between the full moon and erratic behavior.

Although, I’ve got to hand it to Huffington Post for phrasing their disregard as, “not much evidence,”… an ambiguous phrase, indeed, I’d like to take the opposing side for the remainder of this post:  We’re made up of the same stuff as the moon and earth, of course we are affected by these forces!  Evolutionary Cosmologist Brian Swimme states, “The awareness that bubbles up each moment that we identify as ourselves is rooted in the originating activity of the universe.” (The Hidden Heart of the Cosmos, 1996)  Even human consciousness is rooted in the original flaring forth 13 billion years ago.  Where else do we think thought comes from?  How selfish to think it is ‘ours.’  I love science and technology, but I also love my self, and cannot disregard that which arises in my world.  “Things are real because we experience them,” states spiritual leader and yogic practitioner, Mariana Caplan.  I have to believe this.  Not doing so would be like turning my back on that awe-inspiring blood orange glow in the sky this morning at 9:15a.m., measured and accepted by mainstream science, human experience, and rooted in cosmological law.


s/Self Reflection

Looking back on my trip to India, a mere four years ago, I am taken aback, embarrassed even.  I can’t believe the person in those photos shares the same body as me, some of her structural make up.  That thing that wandered the streets taking photos of lepars, beggars and thinking she was doing something (which to some extent she was, considering that a part of India runs on its tourism industry) was asleep.  She was alseep, even though at the time she/I would argue she/I was not.  That person, her face fatter, her soul thinner, even though at the time she/I would argue it was not.


This thing inside has shattered that thing in that photo.  I can no longer look at those photos and say I didn’t know, even though I now know that I didn’t know.


What did they think of me—my white skin and smiling face, expecting a chai every time I stepped foot into that ashram?  I couldn’t do it now, and to be honest with myself, couldn’t do it then.  I know that.  I remember those voices inside.  I felt I had to prove something to someone, but who, I’m still not sure.  And what was the cost?  I will never know, and how settling is that?

What is love?


It is not something we’ve chosen.  Nor is it ever something we can understand, it is the epitamy of mystery.



We couple up, in love, for life, we hope.  But we can never be sure, we can’t promise, all we can do is promise.



Some claim God is love, not some big guy in the sky.  This too a mystery.


I grew up Catholic.  I can’t seem to get this big guy in the sky image out of my head, no matter how hard I try.  And I try hard.  I don’t think God is just love, what does that make me?


The questions continue.  I think the questions are God.  At least for me, in my little world.


What do you think?

Somehow We Succeed


My intense love is closely intertwined with intense hate.  I spent the day brewing beer at my workplace and came home to catch the last half of, “Undercover Boss” on tv, where new president of the Kendall-Jackson winery disguises himself as a worker, only to later reveal and gift those worthy employees with new promotions, benefits, money, as well as demotions.  The Huffington Post has a great article on it if you are interested.

Anyways, back to humans: we intrigue me.  How do we keep on keeping on?  What is that driving force that pulls us towards overcoming?  And why?  Wouldn’t it just be easier to give up sometimes?

Eight hours of sweat and hard work to make one batch of craft beer (me).  Twenty years of dedication to a company (Kendall-Jackson) for one man to finally feel appreciated.  And for what?  So that some college kids (that I also have the privelage of playing the role of waitress for) can get drunk, have a good time, and then go on Yelp to describe how “meh” the beer was at Triple Rock?  So that one man (Kendall-Jackson guy) can finally take a vacation with his family?   How did he get by in the meantime?

Sometimes I think about death, sadness, and “what if the person I love the most leaves me?”  I think about how intense joy is interwined with intense sadness, love and hate, as well as life and death.  Those thoughts creep up on me.  I used to think I could control this by bringing on intense emotion through thought.  I still do, I suppose.  I thought, “If I face it now, I will not be surprised when it creeps up on me later,” until I found myself in a six-year long depression, and spiralling downward.

I don’t think we know what we are doing here.  Great novelist, playwright, and poet Samuel Beckett quotes, “Ever tried.  Ever failed.  No matter.  Try again.  Fail again.  Fail better.”  I still don’t feel at ease, but maybe that’s my path.

In a letter to his sister, Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, “Hence the ways of men part: if you wish to strive for peace of soul and pleasure, then believe; if you wish to be a devotee of truth, then inquire.”  I never wanted to have an inquiring mind.  It just happened.

Is it just me…

Is it just me, or are many of those claiming to be on the ‘spiritual path’ merely passive, afraid of confrontation, anger, hate and facing other ‘negative’ emotions.  Forgive me for my overuse of quotation marks here but the words or phrases quoted are difficult categories for me to accept as real, or more appropriately, solid.

As a woman who would consider herself to have been on the ‘spiritual path’ for 4 years now, I’m coming to realize both slowly and surely that many of the things I considered ‘spiritual’ were merely defense mechanisms to avoid facing my own self-deprecating patterns embedded more in psychological categories than spiritual.

There is a term to define this: spiritual bypassing.  It was first coined by author John Welwood and is used by integral theorist Ken Wilber to describe the tendency to focus on spiritual beliefs and practices to avoid and deny various aspects of earthly existence, mainly in terms of practical challenges, and unresolved emotions and memories.

The only way out is through, and is one of the most difficult things to face.