My head throbs. How could I have gone this far in life with so few people to care about, and so few people that care about me? I’ve fallen with a strange illness today.
I have a marathon to run, but my body aches with memories—lingering on lost dreams, harsh realities, and a shitload of financial debt. I suppose the good news is there is only one place to go from here, and that is up. Did I plan this?
What I’m learning—that I haven’t been properly taught how to take care of myself. I am unaware of my needs and I don’t know how to ask for these unrealized needs.
What my future holds—challenges, not of strength…which is something I practiced in my twenties…but of doing that which is difficult—being steadfast as a woman with dreams, goals, and an astuteness that will not rest until it is realized. She’s a bitch.
What I desire—friends. A gentle workplace where I can flourish in the solitude, quiet, and challenges to my mind. Family—continuing to reconnect with them…it’s an ongoing practice.
I thought I was ready. I suppose it creeps up on you.