Turning Thirty in 2012

My head throbs.  How could I have gone this far in life with so few people to care about, and so few people that care about me?  I’ve fallen with a strange illness today.

 

I have a marathon to run, but my body aches with memories—lingering on lost dreams, harsh realities, and a shitload of financial debt.  I suppose the good news is there is only one place to go from here, and that is up.  Did I plan this?

 

What I’m learning—that I haven’t been properly taught how to take care of myself.  I am unaware of my needs and I don’t know how to ask for these unrealized needs.

 

What my future holds—challenges, not of strength…which is something I practiced in my twenties…but of doing that which is difficult—being steadfast as a woman with dreams, goals, and an astuteness that will not rest until it is realized.  She’s a bitch.

 

What I desire—friends.  A gentle workplace where I can flourish in the solitude, quiet, and challenges to my mind.  Family—continuing to reconnect with them…it’s an ongoing practice.

 

I thought I was ready.  I suppose it creeps up on you.

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